The Bule’s Guide to Bali: Understanding the Unspoken Rules

If you walk too slowly on the streets of New York, you’ll be shoved aside by a local appalled with your lack of spatial awareness. If you stand on the wrong side of the escalator in London, you’ll get a passive-aggressive ‘sorry’ meant to mean, ‘are you an idiot?’ But in Bali, even if you drive your scooter in your bikini, you’ll likely only get a quick, if annoyed, glance. No matter what faux pas you commit here, it seems, you’re likely to be blissfully unaware until a more aware expat pulls your sexy provocative dress and mercifully gets you up to speed.

On the surface, anything goes on the paradise island. But if you talk to the Balinese, you’ll find that they aren’t as unphased as they seem by the often unsavoury behaviour of foreigners. Guided by the ‘Tri Hita Karana’ (the ‘Three Causes of Wellbeing’), the Balinese believe deeply in building harmony with God, nature, and just as importantly, those around them — a philosophy that often leads them to avoid conflict, even when confronted with blatantly disrespectful behaviour.

Silence, however, doesn’t mean acceptance. Behind understanding, compliant smiles lies the discernment of a society deeply rooted in tradition, where the locals are acutely aware of how foreigners are impacting their way of life.

Coming from the West, we proudly wave the banner of individual freedom and unadulterated self-expression — but are we trying to plant it into the heart of a culture that beats for a different ideal?

The Balinese are incredibly tolerant, so it’s up to us to learn what it means to be respectful. Here are a few tips to help you better understand their cultural nuances.

Conflict Is A No-Win Game in Bali

‘I was in a relationship with a Balinese guy for seven years,’ says long-term expat Sophie.  ‘Every time I tried to bring up our issues, no matter how gently, he’d run a mile. Literally. He’d leave the house, sometimes for days. What I realised is that the Balinese just can not handle conflict. In the end, we broke up because of it.’

Among locals, keeping the peace goes beyond self-expression. Even when I was interviewing locals for this article, I found that they were incredibly careful with their language; so much so that I hardly had any idea what they actually thought. My tip, if you’re looking to connect more deeply, is to work on the relationship first; and if you ever have to discuss anything more negative, do so with plenty of padding. Which leads me to my next point…

Soften Your Language

‘My furniture delivery was about one month late when I decided enough was enough,’ says Katya, an expat from New York who didn’t get her couch in a New York minute. ‘I’d been sending increasingly more annoyed texts and getting no reply. Then, I changed tack and sent an I’m-so-excited-to-see-the-couch-blah-by-the-way-when-is-it-going-to-be-here text. He replied straight away and delivered in a couple of days.’

When a service or delivery is less than perfect, we’re usually accustomed to using harsher language to spur people into action. Demonstrate annoyance, get attention — right? Well, this will not work in Bali. Depending on the business and individuals, they might stop responding or be even more delayed, because they’ll feel uncomfortable talking to you (e.g. uncomfortable with conflict, remember?). So soften your language, be the kindest version of yourself, and try to lead with that same ‘Tri Hita Karana’ attitude they have.

Don’t Rush The Balinese!

Have you ever tried to furnish your villa with the beautiful local craft? Let me tell you — it’s not easy. My fiancé and I slept on a mattress on the floor for a month waiting for our bed; and in the end, it didn’t get delivered at all. The wifi that was supposed to take two days? It took three weeks. So, be warned: ‘Bali time’ absolutely is a thing!

The locals call it ‘jam karet’ (‘rubber time’), meaning schedules can be fluid, especially for social and non-urgent situations — but unfortunately, this does also extend to business. So, don’t be too attached to exact timings. You chose to live on an island after all, didn’t you? The best thing to do is adopt the local culture. Take a more laid-back approach, or start way in advance if you need something done to a tight schedule.

Mind the Confidence Gap

If you’re used to bubbly staff in your home country, the Balinese can strike you as quiet and quite distant. When I first arrived, I personally thought many of the locals just didn’t like me or dismissed me as a stupid tourist. But actually, that’s not the most common cause for their aloofness. ‘In my experience, staff usually struggle with confidence and self-esteem,’ says Harry Sugata, owner of Awan Connection Café and Co-Working Space.

‘It’s a big issue. We actually have to do confidence training to help them feel more comfortable talking to customers.’ So, be aware that what you might read as coldness is, in fact, just plain old shyness. What to do? ‘Make an effort to be extra friendly, no matter how small,’ Harry says. ‘Smile. It means a lot.’

What Gets Lost in translation

‘Even when the staff speak English, there is still a big language barrier to cross,’ says a café owner. ‘They might have the language skills to have a short, pleasant conversation, but they may lack the vocabulary to solve a misunderstanding or politely draw a line. So, when challenged by the patrons, they are more likely to retreat.‘

Combine the conflict aversion with shyness and the higher-stress environment of work… and you’ll get a good idea why learning a bit of the local language can make a world of difference to your interactions with the Balinese. ‘It breaks a lot of tension, establishing a dynamic where you acknowledge that English is not the first language,’ says Harry from Awan Connection. ‘It puts less pressure on them to speak it perfectly.’

Yes, Hierarchies Are Still A Thing

‘The Balinese are very status-conscious people. How much land someone owns, or what car they drive, is very significant within communities,’ says a long-term expat. ‘Them being so nice makes you feel like maybe they don’t care about that material stuff, but they do, like most of us.’ 

Many expats in Bali have ‘escaped the matrix’ and, as a result, we’re likely to have become oblivious to hierarchies. But the Balinese aren’t as irreverent to them as a lot of people from the West have become. If you’re the customer, they still very much see you as the ‘boss’; and this perception, combined with the fact that quite a few patrons are difficult or impolite, makes them apprehensive to let their guard down. It’s a good idea to always try to stay aware of that power dynamic because it’s very much present.

Go Beyond Transactional

Coming from the West, we proudly wave the banner of individual freedom and unadulterated self-expression — but are we trying to plant it into the heart of a culture that beats for a different ideal?

While in the West we’ve perfected the art of politely distant small talk, many Balinese home staff wish for the relationship with the employer to go beyond transactional. Theirs is a culture established on personal connections, so making an effort to become more familiar will be welcome. This doesn’t mean being overly zealous and inviting yourself to ceremonies – you should wait to be invited and, at most, politely express interest in attending. If you break through and they invite you to hang out or to go to a ceremony, then congratulations! See it for the milestone it is, and make your best effort to attend in the appropriate clothes.

Until that happens, keep building the relationship with small acts of appreciation, such as bonuses during festivals like Galungan, or day-to-day gifts. ‘I’ve learned that the Balinese always give food to each other. It’s like a love language,’ says expat Anastasia. ‘I now always give some sweet treats for our housekeeper’s kids, and they always do the same. It’s very touching.’ If you invite them to something and they decline, don’t necessarily interpret it negatively; they might feel like they are intruding. With time, they will become more comfortable and more likely to open up (remember the shyness).

Get Good Karma… On The Road

What makes Balinese drivers so amazing at navigating impossible-seeming crossroads, and how they seem to bear hours of traffic without ever losing their temper? Karma.

Surprisingly, when I asked local taxi driver Gede about what makes Balinese drivers so amazing at navigating impossible-seeming crossroads, and how they seem to bear hours of traffic without ever losing their temper, the first thing he said was: ‘Karma. The Balinese really believe that what we do comes back to us, so we take care of each other on the road. If you see any Indonesians driving without care for others or without a helmet, it’s most likely people from outside of Bali who come here to work. But we will always be careful.’

Us bule, whether from inside or outside Indonesia, seem to not embody that philosophy of this Hindu haven very well. ‘Nowadays we often see some foreigners being very arrogant riding motorbikes or cars,’ says Putu, a local from Cemagi. ‘It can endanger people around them.’ So, to drive like a local, do your best to stay in the Balinese mindset of good karma, even when Canggu traffic gets on the last of your sunburnt nerves.

Happy Landlord, Happy Life

The locals call it ‘jam karet’ (‘rubber time’), meaning schedules can be fluid, especially for social and non-urgent situations 

Balinese landlords are usually easygoing, but they will deeply appreciate respect for their traditions. Be aware of the local ceremonies and celebrations; around these times, offering a small gift is a great idea.

Fruit baskets, sweet treats from your country, and flowers are common gifts. For significant festivals like Galungan and Kuningan, a small cash bonus in an envelope is common and appreciated (IDR 200,000-500,000 is generally considered appropriate).

Beyond practicalities, staying faux-pas free in Bali is all about understanding and embodying the local culture. Do your best to approach all of your daily interactions with the Tri Hita Karana in mind, and you’ll be much less likely to stumble your way into a classic bule blunder. Good luck!

From the author: 

From the author
I am a writer from Romania, currently based in Bali. I authored the weekly newsletter ‘Dark Exotica,’ exploring the dark side of creativity, psychology, and travel—you can subscribe to it on Substack. Follow me on Instagram (@teodora_miscov) or browse my self-published poetry books on my website.

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